I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
