My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
