it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
