im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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