If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
