do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
