HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
