why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
