He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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