Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
