I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
