Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
