just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
