Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
