Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
