I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
