Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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