Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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