mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
