i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
