winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
