my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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