he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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