i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
