Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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