4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
