You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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