That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
