I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
