How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
