do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
