Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
