when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
