I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
