Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
