i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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