im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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