dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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