Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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