every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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