I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
