There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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