No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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