Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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