Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
