Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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