Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
