Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
