Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
