is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
