It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
